[Fic] you only see what i let you see [Queen!Rachel]

[thecutdiamond]

Prompt: You only see what I let you see, nothing less, nothing more. What you say is nothing new to me.
Summary: Don't let them see you cry can only be one's motto for so long.

She's the Queen of Diamonds. She's Strong. She's more Diamond than Human.

Don't let them see you cry.

It becomes her mantra a few weeks after she successfully Challenges Walter Givenchy for Four and the new Two and his friends and family proceed to make her suffer for it. There's manure and dead animals left in her quarters, 'accidental' messes made whenever she's on duty for cleaning them up. There are threatening anonymous messages and outright hateful stares. She doesn't think she's ever felt more alone in the world than the time Walter comes up drunkenly to her door in the middle of the night and starts yelling about all the things he wants to do to her-- some crass, but most just completely terrifying. She regrets then that she requested for quarters more separate from everyone else's, because it means nobody hears. She's left in her room preparing her knives until he finally passes out in a drunken stupor. Stepping over his unconscious body the next morning is perhaps one of the most harrowing experiences of her life, and yet she never breathes a word to anyone about it. She knows she should be Strong enough to deal with them alone.

Don't let them see you cry.

When she loses her Challenge for Six after Henry Givenchy almost kills her, it takes everything she has not to cry on the field. It helps that she's only barely conscious enough to even realize she's lost. Later, when she's working through the physical therapy, the pain is sometimes so intense that she just wants to curl up into a tiny ball and weep, but she can't because, despite the doctor's best efforts, the Givenchies and their friends still manage to watch and jeer. So she holds her head up high and keeps trying. She'll make it, she tells herself. And she'll be Stronger for it.

Don't let them see you cry.

Edgar dies. They haven't been a couple for a decade and he'd married someone else. She has no right to grieve. Besides, she's an Ace and she has responsibilities. So when Ophelia offers her compassionate leave, she doesn't accept. She's Strong enough to handle this.

Don't let them see you cry.

Ophelia dies. This time she has the right and desire to grieve, but she doesn't. She's new duties and a Suit to run, and she needs to be Strong for them.

Don't let them see you cry.

Andrew dies. There's no time to cry. She has to be Strong to find answers.

Don't let them see you cry.

Lindsey dies. She's still Queen, still Strong.

Don't let them see you cry.

Still Diamond.

Don't.

Still hurting.

Let them see you cry.

Still human.