Rachel Caustello (
thecutdiamond) wrote2013-03-15 11:40 pm
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the sometime nightmare quality of our lives [For heartbreakclub]
It isn't often that she gets nightmares, truth be told. Usually, she's too exhausted from the day to doing anything else but sleep deeply; her body's way of trying to recover from the strain.
But for some reason, tonight her sleep isn't just a blissful, dreamless reprieve from reality. Instead, it's a terror-filled mixture of old ghosts and new ones that has her waking up screaming.
And even once she's awakened, the dreams cling so tightly to her mind that she's entirely disoriented and entirely unable to help the loud sobs that rip themselves from her throat.
But for some reason, tonight her sleep isn't just a blissful, dreamless reprieve from reality. Instead, it's a terror-filled mixture of old ghosts and new ones that has her waking up screaming.
And even once she's awakened, the dreams cling so tightly to her mind that she's entirely disoriented and entirely unable to help the loud sobs that rip themselves from her throat.
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"Rachel?"
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When she hears his voice, though, she looks up with a choked gasp and tries vainly to brush the tears away.
"I-I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean t-to wake you."
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"What's wrong?" He felt uneasy about asking, because he didn't know how to respond to a potential barrage of concerns and worries and pains. But he does know that he wants her to tell him anyway.
bitty icons /o
His question has a million different answers bubbling to her lips-- so much is wrong, and she is hurting so, so very badly, and she just wants her Papa back if she can't have Mama-- but it's too much to say at once. For a long moment, she's simply tongue-tied, until she shakes her head a little at all the words she wants to say and settles for the simplest answer.
"'s a bad dream."
Yey~
"It's just a dream." It was just a dream, but they couldn't wake up from the reality where they were both alone, sitting here in the dark, and he didn't know what to say to her to comfort her.
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The gentle touch does, after a few moments, ease a little bit of the tension out of her shoulders. Doesn't stop them from shaking with another soft sob in reply to his words, "But--"
But it's not all just a dream. She can't say that aloud, though. Instead, she reaches blindly to tug at his shirt in a gesture she's not quite lost from when she was little older than a toddler.
"--Papa, I'm scared."
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He slipped his hand around behind her back and held her close, rubbing her upper arm to try and comfort her. It probably wouldn't be of much comfort to know that he was scared, too.
"What're you scared of?" he asked quietly.
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"It's--" For a moment, it almost all bubbles to the surface. It's almost easy to tell him everything that she's been going through these past months. But it's only for a moment, before she remembers the boy with blue eyes that's relying on her to stay strong and she all but chokes on the words.
"--I-I can't--"
She shakes her head slightly as her attempted explanation devolves into a soft weeping.
"I'm-- so tired. A-and it hurts, Papa," comes her barely comprehensible murmur between sobs.
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"Do you think you could get some sleep if I stay here?"
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She nods a little, unable to stop the soft hiccup of a whimper that escapes her lips.
"Th-that might help." A beat, before she adds tentatively, "'f it's-- not too much trouble."
She feels like she is, for him, most days.
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There's no reason for the Caustellos to be in this state if he'd known.
He pulls the covers over her when she goes to lie down again and sits down next to her, waiting in the dark until the whimpers even out to slow, deep breaths and the shuffle of creased sheets.
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It takes time for her to slip into sleep again. Part of the reason is because she wants to savour this moment of him actually staying and comforting her.
In a way, it's for the worse. But in others, it's perhaps for the better.