Rachel Caustello (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thecutdiamond) wrote2012-07-17 11:56 pm
thecutdiamond) wrote2012-07-17 11:56 pm
Entry tags:
[FIC] I Don't Regret It [EARLY DIAMONDS/ACE!RACHEL]
Prompt: Rachel, I don't regret it, 4
Song: Become Who You Are- Mainstay
Summary: It's difficult, in the Diamonds, but it would have been impossible in the Clubs.
It's difficult in the Diamonds.
In the Clubs, things are softer, kinder. They're the Hearts of the Black Suits, loyal and loving and the Diamonds are just not. They are Diamonds through and through, hard and cold and more like the Spades of the Red Suits. For the first year or so after she switches over she collapses into her quarters at the end of the day in an exhausted heap, tuckered out from the sheer trial it is to be Diamond.
A failed attempt at trying for Six (her first failed Challenge, but it's bitter for more than just that reason) ended with the man snarling at her that she would never be good enough to be a Diamond, that she should just run back to the Clubs and cry for mercy the way that Clubs do. It's that day that she really begins pushing to become properly Diamond, to erase from the collective's memory that she was ever a member of the Clubs.
(She decides she hates men that same day, but that's almost another story entirely.)
For the most part? She succeeds, becoming cold and distant and so perfectly Diamond that even Ophelia praises her for it. Many of the non-Deck-born actually believe she's been of the Suit her whole life. (It helps that Andrew's away at the outposts so often and Edgar and Argine marry soon after that-- no more connections to her old Suit left, that way. Caleb had already disowned her.)
Years later, when Fortinbras, the old Ace, finally dies, very few people are surprised that Rachel is elected to take his place, and when she completes the vow pledging her to service of the Suit and officially begins her Acehood, Rachel (Diamond hard, proud that she has finally become the person she's wanted to be her whole life) finds that she doesn't regret a thing.
(That changes later, of course, when deaths come along and choices are reassessed, but she will never, never admit that walking away from the Clubs wasn't the best decision of her life, because there's no way she can alter the past, and Diamond is who she is now. It's ascomplicated simple as that.
It was difficult in the Diamonds, but it would have been impossible in the Clubs, and that's a story she tells herself daily.)
Song: Become Who You Are- Mainstay
Summary: It's difficult, in the Diamonds, but it would have been impossible in the Clubs.
It's difficult in the Diamonds.
In the Clubs, things are softer, kinder. They're the Hearts of the Black Suits, loyal and loving and the Diamonds are just not. They are Diamonds through and through, hard and cold and more like the Spades of the Red Suits. For the first year or so after she switches over she collapses into her quarters at the end of the day in an exhausted heap, tuckered out from the sheer trial it is to be Diamond.
A failed attempt at trying for Six (her first failed Challenge, but it's bitter for more than just that reason) ended with the man snarling at her that she would never be good enough to be a Diamond, that she should just run back to the Clubs and cry for mercy the way that Clubs do. It's that day that she really begins pushing to become properly Diamond, to erase from the collective's memory that she was ever a member of the Clubs.
(She decides she hates men that same day, but that's almost another story entirely.)
For the most part? She succeeds, becoming cold and distant and so perfectly Diamond that even Ophelia praises her for it. Many of the non-Deck-born actually believe she's been of the Suit her whole life. (It helps that Andrew's away at the outposts so often and Edgar and Argine marry soon after that-- no more connections to her old Suit left, that way. Caleb had already disowned her.)
Years later, when Fortinbras, the old Ace, finally dies, very few people are surprised that Rachel is elected to take his place, and when she completes the vow pledging her to service of the Suit and officially begins her Acehood, Rachel (Diamond hard, proud that she has finally become the person she's wanted to be her whole life) finds that she doesn't regret a thing.
(That changes later, of course, when deaths come along and choices are reassessed, but she will never, never admit that walking away from the Clubs wasn't the best decision of her life, because there's no way she can alter the past, and Diamond is who she is now. It's as
It was difficult in the Diamonds, but it would have been impossible in the Clubs, and that's a story she tells herself daily.)