Like Something from a Dream [Astraia!AU]

[thecutdiamond]

Ever since the dark-haired man (Gustave Asarlai, the love of her life several lifetimes ago) stepped out onto the Green, things have changed. Rachel (Astraia?) knows the two newcomers were surprised when she'd stepped forward and began speaking not only in a tongue their people alone knew, but with a familiarity one woman alone used with the Magician. Honestly, everyone on the Green at that moment had been surprised.

Rachel (Astraia?) included. 

Since then, flashes of memory have returned, striking at random. It's difficult to tell whose it is-- Rachel's or Astraia's or the handful of lives lived in-between-- so often she doesn't even try. Lets the snippets try to sort themselves out. Trying to see if the ones she can tell are of her oldest self line up with the tale the visitors tell only gives her headaches.

The flashbacks themselves leave her halting mid-step no matter where she is, eyes glassing over. Looking into a past so distant, it feels like little more than a dream.

(More and more, though, she begins to believe it isn't.)

Comments

[illimitable_she]

She'd been wary, when Christophe sent the news. Was it true? Could it be? She'd come to verify them herself, to assure the rest that Gustave wasn't blinded by the imitations of someone choosing to play on his heart. They had not parted easily with the Deck; it was possible that the Deck would choose to deceive them in this manner. And Christophe had not known Astraia well.

But no. It was the friend she'd long known, the one she'd mourned with everyone else. So Silke stayed in the Deck, stayed to help her friend work through her memories, stayed to forge strong links between the two lands.

She pauses when she realises that Astraia's stopped walking, takes her hand and leads her gently to a bench to sit down. She can wait. Astraia needs time, that's all.

[thecutdiamond]

Nowadays it's usually not anything big-- those were taken care of in the earlier days, harder to work through but eventually managed with the other woman's help. Nowadays, it's usually not anything she hasn't seen before, just another brief glimpse that helps make the older things a little clearer.

Today, though, there's something about the memory that leaves her expression a little more pensive when she finally breaks free. Her hand squeezes cautiously at Silke's hand-- and it's strange, but also comforting, how at ease she's come to feel with the woman. There's a moment where she doesn't speak, just tries to sort the words out in her head.

"...We loved each other very much, didn't we?"

Well, not quite sorted. But surely the Arcana understood she meant Gustave and her (past) self.

[illimitable_she]

She smiles, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair back behind Astraia's ear. "Indeed so. When you were engaged we all celebrated for nearly a week, and your vassals prepared everything for your wedding. I don't know how much of that remains, though. Estrella may have had it kept away since she became the Star."

She could tell such stories, stories of the times they'd seen Gustave and Astraia walking arm-in-arm, stories of the feasts where they'd toasted the happy couple. But that's nothing, she thinks, to what Astraia will remember in time.

[thecutdiamond]

Already she remembers so much. Already she remembers the joy, the laughter, the way everything always seemed brighter around Gustave. It's a wonderful thing, yes, but at the same time, with everything else she remembers, it makes things more difficult.

"I loved in other lives," she says after a moment. "There is but one other time it was with any sort of intensity like the way we had, but-- it was in this one."

Is. Because even as she remembers, the part of her still wholly Rachel Caustello is still in love with Edgar Eicheln, just as the other parts of herself that have come to light hold affection for the significant ones of those lives.

She bites her lip, gaze dropping to their joined hands, "Things will be-- different, I feel, no matter how things progress from here."

There is that hovering, unspoken and unanswered question, after all, about whether or not she will ever go back with them to her homeland-- and whether or not she will stay.

[illimitable_she]

She tilts her head, expression turning wistful. "Different it may be, but don't you still feel the same? You say was- the love of this life is gone now. Haven't you still the love you bear for Gustave? He's missed you so much, and never loved another."

Surely Astraia will come back with them, when it's time. There is no doubt in Silke's mind.

[thecutdiamond]

"\I love Gustave with a passion strong as the powers which keep our world,/" comes the ancient, half-remembered vow. She halts a moment before she continues to speak, back in English once more, "But while Gustave has remained the same man, I am not simply Astraia any more. It is-- so complicated."

[illimitable_she]

She smiles, remembering when she'd taken that vow herself with her own husband. He'd not been of the Major Arcana; there was no keeping him.

Maybe someday she would meet him again, the way Gustave had Astraia.

"Then begin again. You courted each other once. Why not a fresh start? Love will find a way."

[thecutdiamond]

She can't help the smile at that-- and even though it's still Rachel's face, it's certainly Astraia's smile.

"Yes, that is true."

The Star is, at its best, a symbol for Hope. This much she has still maintained, in all her lives.