thecutdiamond | Like Something from a Dream [Astraia!AU]

Entry tags:

Like Something from a Dream [Astraia!AU]

Ever since the dark-haired man (Gustave Asarlai, the love of her life several lifetimes ago) stepped out onto the Green, things have changed. Rachel (Astraia?) knows the two newcomers were surprised when she'd stepped forward and began speaking not only in a tongue their people alone knew, but with a familiarity one woman alone used with the Magician. Honestly, everyone on the Green at that moment had been surprised.

Rachel (Astraia?) included.

Since then, flashes of memory have returned, striking at random. It's difficult to tell whose it is-- Rachel's or Astraia's or the handful of lives lived in-between-- so often she doesn't even try. Lets the snippets try to sort themselves out. Trying to see if the ones she can tell are of her oldest self line up with the tale the visitors tell only gives her headaches.

The flashbacks themselves leave her halting mid-step no matter where she is, eyes glassing over. Looking into a past so distant, it feels like little more than a dream.

(More and more, though, she begins to believe it isn't.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She's always been wary of the visitors, even before they discovered Rachel's past life (lives?). Whether or not Rachel really is, or was, Astraia, Säde has tried to be by her side, tried to ensure they wouldn't try to steal her away. ~~What? It's not that farfetched.~~

She runs forward now, a hand on Rachel's shoulder. "Rachel. Rachel, wake up."

It's a delicate thing, breaking her out those glimpses of the past. Säde's hand on her shoulder has words blurting from her lips in that tongue she only half-remembers, "\You need to run--/"

But then there's a strangled sort of gasp as settles properly back into reality, a hand moving to catch at her friend's to try to properly readjust.

"--Säde."

Her lips tighten as she hears the unfamiliar words. This magic and its newness does not serve a good purpose, and she fears what will be lost if they do not tread carefully.

She keeps her voice low, gentle, soothing. "That's right, it's me. You've been dreaming again."

She shakes her head a little dazedly. "Not dreaming."

Remembering. She's almost certain of it now, despite all the madness it entails.

There's a tension still in her shoulders as she releases Säde's hand to press the balls of her own against her eyes. She takes a few moments to breathe before she lowers them, speaks.

"There was a war. Back-- all that time ago. I saw them fighting."

Saw herself fighting, too, but mostly trying to help nonparticipants escape the line of fire. Astraia had seemed to be the more peaceful sort.

"That's why we separated from them in the first place, isn't it?" That's the history that had been explained to them, anyway. The how of separation remained a mystery despite her persuasions with Stultus.

The final cause, however... that's still kept from them.

She nods in agreement even as she continues, "I feel we may have-- underestimated the extremity to which the fighting went, however. It is-- far worse than any battle ever had with the Chess Set. I can understand why there was bitterness on both sides."

Although there is more to the Arcana's bitterness than she yet realizes, although she begins to have her suspicions.

She cocks an eyebrow. "Considering we don't even remember why we battle the Chess Set? Surely it can't be much worse." But this only heightens her suspicions. What gain had the Arcana to keep this from them, something so long ago that the Deck had forgotten? What could have been so monstrous?

"We battle the Chess Set because if we do not, they would destroy us," she answers with a lesson learned in rote from her childhood. There's truth to it still-- although she certainly has wondered, much like she is certain others have, why the Chess Set and the Cards are such terrible enemies.

That, however, is not the matter at hand. She shakes her head slightly, glancing about the hallway and tilting her head in the direction of her office.

"I believe I-- have a thought on what may have lead to a more permanent schism."

But clearly it is not something to be discussed here. The walls have ears, after all.

She dips her head in understanding, following Rachel to her office. Once the door is closed and locked, she leans against it, head forward to hear Rachel's theory.

There are papers scattered on Rachel's desk, semi-frantic writing in the Queen's penmanship on many. She picks them up now, leans against her desk as she holds them, absently shuffling through them.

"I've been-- trying to record the-- flashbacks I've been seeing," she begins, "Many are simply snippets, so it's hard to tell the details, but--" Another ruffling of the papers before she simply sets them back down on her desk. Her expression is sober as she meets Säde's eyes, "I've reason to believe that I-- that is, Astraia-- may have been killed in the course of the war."

And given what they understood of what she meant to The Magician, that was plenty of reason for the division that occurred since.

...that wasn't what she'd expected.

And frankly, that made her even more wary of the Arcana. If Astraia had been killed by a fellow Arcana, they were not cohesive. If Astraia had been killed by a founder of the Deck, then the Magician might very well be here for revenge.

"Rachel, I- understand it's surely traumatising. Still- what details can you give?"

The other woman sighs, running a hand through her hair. There's a tiredness in her eyes that even years as a Queen hadn't brought about.

"I remember-- a passageway. Knives. Several flashes of light. And of course the--" The pain. That much had been clearer than anything. She falls silent, shaking her head.

"Little more than that."

She rests a hand on Rachel's back, rubbing consolingly. "We can't speak for the emotions they felt during the war, but... you sought to end it peacefully. I remember that's what you said, and they said the same. There must be reasons why that wasn't acceptable to them."

"Funny how even then I could not do enough," she mutters bitterly.

And maybe that was why her soul had not rested; why she had found herself coming back again and again, seeking a chance to save what she had been unable to before.

Maybe it will be better this time around.

Her fingers tighten, and then she's moving round, hands on Rachel's shoulders to look her firmly in the eyes. "Is that what you believe? That you've not done enough, even now?"

"What have I done, Säde?" she queries lowly, "All that time ago I failed to stop a war-- instead likely encouraging the bloodshed with my death. And now, with all the possible knowledge of what happened in that war-- useful knowledge which may be able to bridge the gap between our two peoples and fix what I failed to before-- I find myself entirely unable to recall anything but-- fragments."

And as for how she feels about what she has done as Queen before this situation came about well-- that is another matter entirely.

"Don't say that. Did you wish to die? Did you order them to kill you? No. And it's been centuries since. We should not have to rely on you to bridge anything." She tilts her head. "If anything, it is they who should make amends. They sought us out. They didn't even expect you."

She sighs, hand running through her hair once more.

"Perhaps, but we were both in the wrong." And she's not certain, really which of the 'we' she is thinking herself a part of when she speaks, "And so both of us will have to work towards the mending."

If that is really what the Arcana came for at least; how she hopes so.

Her fingers tighten a heartbeat longer, and then she's stepping back, taking her hands away. "Well, it won't help if we don't- pardon the pun- put all our cards on the table. It doesn't matter if you don't remember. They do. Can you not find some way...?"

She nods thoughtfully, "I will speak to Gustave." And there is a warmth in her voice when she says the name that isn't necessarily from Rachel.

"There was love between us, once, and that love tends not to fade when rendered apart suddenly." Despite the 'us,' the murmur is more from the Queen than the Star, a shadow passing over her face at the memory of her lost love of this life, "Perhaps he will speak plainly for the sake of that love, if nothing else."

"He seemed willing enough to." Going by the reaction when Rachel's memories had come rushing back.

There's little they can manage when their only advantage is the reincarnation of a tragically murdered love.

But what an advantage it may be if utilized correctly.

"Tomorrow, then."

She'd been wary, when Christophe sent the news. Was it true? Could it be? She'd come to verify them herself, to assure the rest that Gustave wasn't blinded by the imitations of someone choosing to play on his heart. They had not parted easily with the Deck; it was possible that the Deck would choose to deceive them in this manner. And Christophe had not known Astraia well.

But no. It was the friend she'd long known, the one she'd mourned with everyone else. So Silke stayed in the Deck, stayed to help her friend work through her memories, stayed to forge strong links between the two lands.

She pauses when she realises that Astraia's stopped walking, takes her hand and leads her gently to a bench to sit down. She can wait. Astraia needs time, that's all.

Nowadays it's usually not anything big-- those were taken care of in the earlier days, harder to work through but eventually managed with the other woman's help. Nowadays, it's usually not anything she hasn't seen before, just another brief glimpse that helps make the older things a little clearer.

Today, though, there's something about the memory that leaves her expression a little more pensive when she finally breaks free. Her hand squeezes cautiously at Silke's hand-- and it's strange, but also comforting, how at ease she's come to feel with the woman. There's a moment where she doesn't speak, just tries to sort the words out in her head.

"...We loved each other very much, didn't we?"

Well, not quite sorted. But surely the Arcana understood she meant Gustave and her (past) self.

She smiles, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair back behind Astraia's ear. "Indeed so. When you were engaged we all celebrated for nearly a week, and your vassals prepared everything for your wedding. I don't know how much of that remains, though. Estrella may have had it kept away since she became the Star."

She could tell such stories, stories of the times they'd seen Gustave and Astraia walking arm-in-arm, stories of the feasts where they'd toasted the happy couple. But that's nothing, she thinks, to what Astraia will remember in time.

Already she remembers so much. Already she remembers the joy, the laughter, the way everything always seemed brighter around Gustave. It's a wonderful thing, yes, but at the same time, with everything else she remembers, it makes things more difficult.

"I loved in other lives," she says after a moment. "There is but one other time it was with any sort of intensity like the way we had, but-- it was in this one."

Is. Because even as she remembers, the part of her still wholly Rachel Caustello is still in love with Edgar Eicheln, just as the other parts of herself that have come to light hold affection for the significant ones of those lives.

She bites her lip, gaze dropping to their joined hands, "Things will be-- different, I feel, no matter how things progress from here."

There is that hovering, unspoken and unanswered question, after all, about whether or not she will ever go back with them to her homeland-- and whether or not she will stay.

She tilts her head, expression turning wistful. "Different it may be, but don't you still feel the same? You say was- the love of this life is gone now. Haven't you still the love you bear for Gustave? He's missed you so much, and never loved another."

Surely Astraia will come back with them, when it's time. There is no doubt in Silke's mind.

"\I love Gustave with a passion strong as the powers which keep our world,/" comes the ancient, half-remembered vow. She halts a moment before she continues to speak, back in English once more, "But while Gustave has remained the same man, I am not simply Astraia any more. It is-- so complicated."

She smiles, remembering when she'd taken that vow herself with her own husband. He'd not been of the Major Arcana; there was no keeping him.

Maybe someday she would meet him again, the way Gustave had Astraia.

"Then begin again. You courted each other once. Why not a fresh start? Love will find a way."

She can't help the smile at that-- and even though it's still Rachel's face, it's certainly Astraia's smile.

"Yes, that is true."

The Star is, at its best, a symbol for Hope. This much she has still maintained, in all her lives.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Like Something from a Dream [Astraia!AU]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject